The Point of Contact says that I should never write to more than 1 inmate at one facility:
"We encourage you never to write to more than one prisoner at any one facility. You may create a negative situation for the inmates if you were to do so. It is just good sense to avoid such a situation. There are thousands of prisoners from all over the country posted on WriteAPrisoner.com, so there is no need to write to more than one prison pen pal at a particular prison."
I always considered this as meaning that I should not have 2 or more pen-pals at the same facility at the same time, but the way it's written has a wider meaning of 'not writing to more than 1 prisoner at the same place'. So, I have some questions:
- if I have a pen-pal at one facility, and he/she is released/dies, there is no problem in choosing another pen-pal at the same facility, right? The trouble arises not when I write to 2 prisoners at the same facility, but only when I write to 2 prisoners at the same facility at the same time, right?
- so, if I write to a prisoner, and he/she declines my contact (no reply to my first letter during 3 or 6 months), there would be no trouble in selecting another prisoner from the same facility, right? Because they would not be pen-pals at the same time. No dispute would arise between the prisoners, because the first one just isn't interested in me.
Is my thought correct? Or there is some error I didn't notice?
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Yes, I'd say that sounds right. This is because the main reason for these 'rules' is that the inmates can become possessive and view you as 'their person'.
In other words: jealousy.
Precisely!
Jealous can happen here, in the forum, too. That's why you won't often find members revealing who their penpals are (although this is also down to privacy as well).
I'm not entirely sure why. Especially if they only have a platonic relationship. Perhaps they feel they have a claim on that inmate?
But yeah, as far as writing inmates in the same prison, it's best to avoid. Just creates potential, unnecessary drama.
[QUOTE]Jealous can happen here, in the forum, too.[/QUOTE]
*ggg* If you read through some of the very old threads, you'll find plenty of evidence on that.
[QUOTE]That's why you won't often find members revealing who their penpals are (although this is also down to privacy as well).[/QUOTE]
Wrong, at least for myself. If It simply was about me, I couldn't care less about telling who the guys are. But - this truly is about them as well. And I don't feel like I'd have any right whatsoever to decide for them what they want to tell others or what they want to be known about themselves.
I would for example never post a photo of myself with a pp of mine on here, if I had one. Nor would I give details on what we did if we met after release.
For me, being in Europe, such things would be hypothetical anyway, but... well, I have also seen threads on here where I wouldn't be sure if one of my pps wanted them to be posted about them. At least not recognizably.
Besides, there are ppl on this forum who know who my penpals are, as much as I know theirs. But that's a thing of PMs and email and these pretty useful features aren't available any more.
[QUOTE]Especially if they only have a platonic relationship.[/QUOTE]
Whatever you mean by the word "only" in that context... partners or significant others can leave, friends rarely will.
[QUOTE]Perhaps they feel they have a claim on that inmate?[/QUOTE]
I mean that jealousy is more likely to occur if the person has feeling that run deeper than that of a platonic relationship, in my opinion
When I spoke about privacy, I also meant for the protection of that inmates privacy too.
Some people don’t mind revealing to other who they are writing but some others definitely do. I’m not speaking for everyone. I’m just giving my opinion that some don’t anyone to know and that those reasons could be why.
I speak to people I’ve met on this forum. I know who they are writing and they also know who my fiancé is. I don’t personally have a problem with it either. I wouldn’t care if I spoke completely openly about him in the forum either. However I know that he wouldn’t appreciate that very much!
Yes, unfortunately the DMs are no more! I don’t necessarily miss all the positive and negative feedback that you used to be able to give though. Especially during the more drama-filled times! Haha! It would be good if our feedback about the site changes were actually taken in to account though!
It's against the rules to mention inmates by name on the forum, so that's why no user want to reveal who their penpals are.
Not just what has been mentioned, but I don't reveal the identities of my penpals to anyone here, for nothing to do with claiming my inmates, but to prevent outside people from writing and trying to start trouble. I have had it happen once, thankfully it had no ill effect, but it has happened to me as well as others. There were individuals here on the forum in years past who would literally take minute details of what is posted over a period of time and piece it together to try to find out who people write to. So, never again. I'm sure you guys are lovely people, but no thanks, I'm not placing that kind of trust in anyone here again. I'll write and post and help as much as I can, but I will never give enough info to identify any of my pals (and have not, to my knowledge).
I also believe that it's really none of anyone's business who I write to, excuse the harshness as I don't mean it that way, and vice versa, it's none of my business who you guys write to either. We're all on a personal individual journey with those we write, and I'm content to share on here without divulging that kind of information.
But yeah, Anderson, I agree with your thoughts on two PPs at the same place. That sounds about right to me. It's one of the biggest no nos at the same time, I always keep that in mind, because if I were in their place I wouldn't take kindly to it either.
There was a case here recently about a person finding out that two people here were writing to the same person. While the person I write to has an open profile here. What we share here beyond the basic fundamentals neve gets shared here. I would hate to find out in someone else’s case that we have something more serious going on because they're going to come off second best when there is already a developed bond of trust and intimacy between us.
On this topic you should not write to two people in the same facility or even in the BOP because federal inmates get moved around a lot. If you do and someone on the inside finds out you could start a fight and get someone written up for a serious crime such as assault or even murder. Yes certain people get incredibly possessive of the outside world contact when its the only thing that they have.
Do you mean, not even if the first contacted inmate never replied?
And not even if the first contacted inmate was released/died?
@anderson, in that case it's no problem. If you haven't established contact with the first inmate because the person didn't reply, was released or has died, you can choose another one at the same facility of course.
If the person was released or died then its not an issue. Choose someone else, even from the same facility and it will be like you never existed.
Another thread recently created for the same purpose, but where the result was much different than mine:
https://writeaprisoner.com/comment/1216401
I write to more than one prisoner in various facilities. For one thing in large prisons there are hundreds of prisoners. For another thing inmates just love to get mail. Also it is tons of fun to have prison pen pals. That’s why I love Write A Prisoner.
Bakjo. Great. But not at the same facility, that is a bad idea. Wether or not you think prisons are large..yah they are, but at the same time its still a small world y'know? And inmates get moved around a lot, so its never an impossibility that they ARE or COULD run into someone with the same penpal..I guess if you were JUST friends, but once its turned even slightly romantic then its a whole new ball game...
Spot on, Anne Marie...you just never know...
Hi people, can anyone tell me how long it takes to get mail back from a prisoner, I posted a letter to someone in Ely on the 15th March 2019,and have since written a couple more letter's but haven't heard anything from him.thanks for your time..Ladybird x
Ladybird, were you already in correspondence with him? or is this a brand new penpal? First letters can sometimes take up to 3-6 months or longer before they even get a response. In my opinion Nevada is a slow state when it comes to prison mail and usually that is due to a severely understaffed mailroom.
There are also a plethora of other reasons why mail can be delayed: shu, lockdown, depression, transfer (and no acces to stamps/stationery), no money, etc etc.
I hope you hear from him soon!
How fo I know when I got a responde from letters that I heve send it? Will someone let me know?
How fo I know when I got a responde from letters that I heve send it? Will someone let me know?
why would someone let you know? Your response will be the letter from your new penpal. It's all a waiting game.
Given that there are loads of potential penpals why would you write to an inmate at the same prison as the non responding one. Might be that she has her mail previliges revoked or can't obtain the correct postage right away. Loads of reason why someone doesn't respond irrespective of time waiting.
What you gonna do if the other inmate responds? Because she already has one letter she could feel rejected by you and decide to spin a few tails to the other inmate. Prison gossip does pass through corridors, pods and units.
I tend not to choose same state never mind facility. But that's just me.
Given that there are loads of potential penpals why would you write to an inmate at the same prison as the non responding one. Might be that she has her mail previliges revoked or can't obtain the correct postage right away. Loads of reason why someone doesn't respond irrespective of time waiting.
What you gonna do if the other inmate responds? Because she already has one letter she could feel rejected by you and decide to spin a few tails to the other inmate. Prison gossip does pass through corridors, pods and units.
I tend not to choose same state never mind facility. But that's just me.