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Suddenly ghosted by penpal

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Pink Unicorn
Pink Unicorn's picture

Oh and most facilities in California have tablets by now, for calls, texts, photos and videos. 

Pink Unicorn
Pink Unicorn's picture

My husband is in California, no approval of phone numbers there (unless it's Feds, different rules apply there, I am told). 

Luce97xo
Luce97xo's picture

My pp is in California, not sure what the rules are there regarding phone calls 

Selosa
Selosa's picture

In Illinois, the phone number has to be approved by the prison. It can take a few weeks.

Petra Swiss Miss
Petra Swiss Miss's picture

There obviously are Prisons, who check the numbers before allowing them on the list. My friend had to go to the place (forgot the name) where they do all things personal property. They check, to make sure, the number is not one they are not supposed to call.

As for red flags? It sound not too alarming to me. It simply could have been a thing to pass the time for him. (No offence Luce. This is my observation in general.) But when I see, how people in here are acting... They ask about things that could be found in FAQ, if they took the time to read it. They ask the same things in a post, that has the answer already written in it. It's all gimme, gimme, gimme, now, now, now. Forget a thank you for an answer given. It's a lack of respect on this side of the fence too. They write for months and talk about nothing except superficial stuff. Everybody their own, right? My approach: I (try to) give advice or share my knowledge on the matter, but try not to judge either person on their motivations. If they don't find out on their own, it's all for nothing anyway. Not that I don't get snappy now and again ;o)

 

PS: Thank you for sharing so much of your personal story with your husband in the other post. I feel like a voyeur ;o) But I'm curious in general and like to hear about longterm experiences with penpals. After the honeymoon phase is over - not necessarily in the romantic sense.

ST4s
ST4s's picture

Yep. Phone numbers requiring prior approval by some prisons is definitely a thing (here’s looking at you, Texas). Also, ask me about my bud in the feds, who was in a rush to add someone’s number to his contact list. Short on time prior to count, he just edited one of his contacts who’d fallen by the wayside and swapped-in the new number for this new person, but the names didn’t match. This was discovered, and he lost all phone privileges for a year. Crazy, right? (Though they’ve had their knives out for him from day one and will find or invent any reason to fuck with him).

My default position on a three-week delay for prison-related whatever is time runs differently there. It could mean anything.

 

Pink Unicorn
Pink Unicorn's picture

Approved by prison? That's new to me and I am in this for a long time ;) . 

It's all about respect, and I would see all this as a huge red flag, first love bombing then basically ordering you to get that number and when you've done it he ghosts you. Maybe you are his sidechick or he has several on the go. Just because his sister is involved doesn't mean it's legit. ALL the red flags are there. 

Petra Swiss Miss
Petra Swiss Miss's picture

Hi Luce97xo
Time in prison runs differently. This is a marathon, not a sprint. There could be a million reasons, why he did not call you yet. Or you could have been simply a distraction for him. (I can't say which one is true)

As Selosa pointed out, your number could need approval to be added to your pp's phone list. Because there are as many rules and policies regarding this matter, as there are prisons. Some inmates can call a number as soon as they get it. Other States require the inmate to add any new number to a personal list, which can have 10 to 12 people on it. And then there are States, that only allow twice a year, for changes to the list to be made.

As for having a day off? Not necessary. There are 5 hrs a week jobs, 7 hrs a day/7days a week jobs. Not even factoring in at what time of the day he is working. Then there is the matter of what "out-time" and yard time they have. Some prisons have pods (like community rooms) others cell lines. The possibilities are endless. It also depends, what security level or housing unit your pp is in.
For example my pp: at the old place (very modern building) they had a pod. Meaning after morning count 6:30 am, he could go out of his cell the whole day, use the computers or the phones in the pod. At the new place (a very old building) they have cell line. Cell line means you can go outside to yard or back into your cell every hour. There is no pod, only a small desk area on the bottom floor with computers and phones. Time there is limited (he may need to shower at the same time). So depending on how many others are waiting to make a call or use the computer, it can be a mess. Using the phones outside in the yard can be freezing ;o)

I would advice you to take it slowly. Getting compliments is nice and all. But keep your head on straight. Not all people have good intentions, whether they are inside or outside of prison. But do not judge him or assume something either. Write a letter and ask about the why/what and tell him what's bothering you. If he is still around, get to know each other. Do not only talk about nice things, talk about the real stuff. You'll soon discover if his interest in you as a person is real.

Also, phone calls are not cheap. (My friend has to work 4 hrs, at $0.57 per hr, to give me a 20 minute call.) I don't know what you're paying for that US number, but please keep that in mind.

Best wishes

Selosa
Selosa's picture

The number you gave needs to be approved by the prison, which is a process that can take weeks. 

 

Luce97xo
Luce97xo's picture
Suddenly ghosted by penpal

So I have exchanged a couple of letters with my penpal over the last few months, my penpal suggested we call each other, as I'm not in the US he said that there's an app to get a US number- he also sent me his sisters contact details so it would be quicker for me to pass the number onto her rather than for him waiting for a letter. He said he was impatient and really wants to get to know me & also said how beautiful I am and how there's something about me that reeled him in lol. 
So I rushed to get the app, sent the number to his sister who replied pretty much straight away so I was excited thinking I'd be getting a call any day. I also sent the number to him through PeliPost because I'm keen to talk to him and wasn't sure when he'd even speak to his sister next so I thought if I sent it to him he might get that one quicker...three weeks have gone by and nothing! I tried not to text his sister but I'm so impatient and wanted to know if something was wrong, maybe the number didn't work or she simply just hadn't passed it on yet. So I text her, she replied instantly saying he's busy with his new job, so doesn't get much phone time but she's passed the number on. 

I am just really confused, he sounded so interested! I honestly don't know why I'm so bothered about someone I've never met I can't explain it. Have I been ghosted? I understand he'll be busy with his job like his sister said but do they not get days off from work? I just feel like to be waiting 3 weeks for him to call is a really long time especially when he seemed so interested. Obviously having this US number is charging me each month so I'm debating when I should cancel it, I'm still hoping that he might call, the number definitely works I've had my friend try and call it. anyone got any advice?