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Blacktidesly

I saw a video a month or two back about a guy that wrote to upwards of 300 inmates around the globe all at once (thousands in his lifetime if I remember correctly). Personally, with isolation I'm debating picking a few more people to write too, with how bored I am I can't imagine they're doing much better! What would you consider a "sane" amount of PPs personally? What is your personal max for one time? I was just thinking about that while considering writing to more people because I don't know where exactly I'd draw the line, certainly before 30 let alone 300 but I don't know where I would stop. If all the mail was coming in at different times I imagine you could probably keep up with a decent amount... I guess it's all up to the person in the end :)!


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Jujay2014

I actually welcome the different personalities of my pen pals. I never get all the letters at one time so it’s no big deal to me, I also never get it mixed up really. When I receive more than one letter in one day, I write a response letter and I immediately put in the envelope, place the address with stamps on it and that’s it. For instance, I have a pp who’s a lifer in Indiana, he can’t afford the stamps like he likes to, to be able to send me a letter more than once a month to Germany. I’m fine with corresponding with him once a month and I never forget what I wrote him or of course wrote me, since I still have his letters. Another pp in Massachusetts, we talk on the phone mostly, we barely ever write anymore, no problem here neither.

The answer to the question why some people have multiple pps is not that simple, it’s a “to each it’s own” type of answer. But simply put if that was the case that I get them mixed up, then I wouldn’t be able to have multiple friends in real life neither. To me there’s no difference between my pps and my friends in real life and I don’t get my friends in real life mixed up neither. 

 

 
freebird1

Bread I think that sums it up perfectly for me.... too many personalities.

 
freebird1

 

This, for me is very dependent on one's own capacity to store and remember so much seperate and individual information about different people. Bizarrely on a real time social level I can't cope with multiples of people. I find it overwhelming if for any length of time.  But I do like conversation, and which is why I gravitate towards letter writing (or emails etc) But 300? Wow...how would you even begin to keep every correspondence seperate, or not get replies mixed up? That must take immense scope of  memory and brain function. (Just the very thought is making my brain hurt). Plus, without any intentional offence aimed at those who successfully maintain several pp's, would not such a vast number mean the loss of any close affection or emotional bonding?  I'm sure one or two of you will tell me I'm wrong on this, and for those that manage with ease all kudos to you all.

Double digits after 10 gets a bit mind boggling. And also just Why?  Quality over Quantity?

 
LotusBlossom

I have a lot of pen pals (not 300, I would have trouble keeping up with that many friends) that are incarcerated and non incarcerated - we write for the nostalgia of it all.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed trying to get back to people when my life goes crazy, which is the way life goes.  But I really enjoy writing to the people I write with, and I greatly appreciate when they are patient with me!  I have a little more time on my hands right now, so everyone has been getting extra mail from me.

 
Kirsten

I'm doing this since January 2018 and I've written to 11 guys all in all. Not at the same time, but altogether. Not all wrote back, and of those who did, not all stayed. And not all of them write equally frequent. For me, my personal limit is 5. That's what I can concentrate on, that's what I can handle. That's what I've got the time for and that's where I can offer and get the depth I want - and can offer myself.

But: I don't phone, I just do with one ex pp and he got my # after he was released on parole - and I'm not into very fast communication, either. I take it slowly, but surely and those who are also a bit calmer seem to work best for me.

Everyone has to know themselves and get along with that.  

Good luck,

Kirsten

 
Blacktidesly

Jujay2014, I think 10 is a really good limit. I don't email any of my guys so letters for me are a lot easier to keep up with. I'm also into writing stories so for me slamming out short novels in a night to send to guys is fun for me haha. I get what you're saying though about mail speeds and keeping up later, in my area we're looking at at least 3 more months of this because people aren't staying home and I'm unemployed for sure once we hit June (I work at a school, which is shut down they just haven't formally let me go yet). So I've got six months, in which I'm sure I won't have anything much better to do and sadly may end up losing guys just by virtue of not being platonically compatible. I've only got 3.5 ish people that I would consider "regular" writers (4.5 with my great uncle), I don't think a few more would hurt :). 

ST4, I agree! 300 is a lot but he was retired so maybe that helped a little. Still, I'm with you on keeping it individual and the bonds with our guys being more than just penpals. It's easier to say certainly but I do think of them as friends. Having 30 myself also was a joke, though reading it back I realized it sounded like I would seriously have 30, haha! I currently keep in touch with everyone through letters because I like sending really long walls of text and sending photos in full color. I also just take the time to meditate on things when I handwrite something, it's a lost form of art and for me, there is something so personal about handwritten letters. That being said, if one of them wanted me to get on jpay so we could send things like day to day updates I would be more than happy too! I love my guys so if they wanna chat more I don't think I would have the heart to say no!

Bread with Crust, nice haha! I get that, I'm an extrovert so I live for personalities but I totally get that not all of them are exactly the easiest to get along with. 

 
Taurus_ISTJ

I cannot seem to handle any over 3. If I have more than 3, at any given time, I get easily overwhelmed and start slacking on getting letters out. I recently mentioned to one of my penpals who is getting tired of his very routine days that he should consider getting more penpals himself, but he said, “nah,” too many personalities. And you know, I feel that that is how it is for me, too.

 
Northernyank

For me I like to feel invested and present in my pen-pal relationships. At one time I had 5 and all of them wrote frequently. 

 
ST4s

Great question, Blacktidesly! My answer? Whatever works.

And I’m not saying that to be glib. Everyone only has 24 hours in a day (or 23:56:4.1 if you’re into orbital mechanics and/or sundials), and how that day is spent is a mix of obligations, needs, and wants, so it’s a question of getting the balance right. I doubt anyone could do justice to 300 pen pals who’s also doing justice to a job that pays the bills (in normal times), or family commitments (ditto), or anything else. I think life needs more balance than that.

Part of that balancing act for me comes courtesy of my pals. Each has his own rotation, as it were, with some measured in days, some in weeks, and some less often… you get the idea. My program is to hang out with each of my buds one-on-one within a few days of hearing from them – or sometimes immediately in short bursts (CorrLinks, etc.), or sometimes via novels, which take longer. They get my absolute focus because that’s what they’re giving to me. I’d say if one can’t do the focus thing, somebody’s gonna get the short end of the stick and it’s time to recalibrate.

My personal max is upon me now, eight, but it works because some have a six-week “day” (courtesy of shitty mail rooms nationwide), some a four-week “day”, and so on. If someone’s having a crisis though, I’ll drop everything, because they’re not just my pen pals, they’re a whole lot more.

 
Jujay2014

I have 4 on Corrlinks and I think 6 just writing letters, but I’m not sure about those 6 since it’s all in the beginning stages and I don’t know if they will stick around, plus due to the fact that mail is so slow right now I can’t tell. I took on so many cause it’s simple when it’s just letters, since they don’t all come at the same time. My thing is this though, no matter how many you take on, once isolation is over, will you still be able to keep up? It’s just something to consider. But personally 10 is a hard limit for me. When I was picking who to write I went mainly for the ones who could only write letters.